10. Electronic Spin-the-Bottle
Price: $29.99
How can you take such a simple concept and make it battery-powered? Well, spinning real bottles can be dangerous - kids can pull muscles, dislocate limbs, or break glass. And it deters underage drinking! not.
9. Pee-pee Bottle
Price: $??.??
These portable piss jugs can be personalized for your kids. The creator claims its more hygienic than using a toilet and "the potty is too big for true on-the-go functionality". Their website offers detailed instructions on how to properly urinate into them.
"Mommy which one is the juice?"
8. Security Checkpoint Toy
Price: $225.99
Play out a real-life security check complete with baggage and armed officers. I'm guessing little Sally isn't getting through easily. Great job Playmobil! Way to capture the extreme fear and distrust of North American security paranoia in a little toy for future utilitarian pawns.
7. Eyelink Communicators>
Price: $89.99
Send a message as "text" to friends from up to 200ft away (and through walls!) using this awkward, bulky headset and armband! This toymaker must have been aware of the rapid obsolescence of such technology. Apparently there is a huge market for kids 'spy' gear. Probably for the same fucked-up kids playing with the jihad-joe security check playset.
6. Wine Glass Necklace Holder
Price: $24.95
If anything I want a device that will safely secure my booze, not loosely dangle it from my drunken, unstable body.
5. Ann Coulter "Right Wing Barbi" Doll/Action Figurine
Price: $Infinity
I'd put it in the microwave to watch her face melt.
4. Girlfriend's Lap Pillow
Price: 9429¥
The Japanese are great at developing and marketing solutions for desperate workaholics. I have since also found 'Boyfriend's Arm' and 'Breast Friend' pillows.
3. Anti-theft Stickers
Price: $5...PER STICKER!!
Even better (free) idea. Lets go out and smash my car up with a bat. That should deter criminals. Why not beat up all my shit? - Then you can sell me more when it doesn't work!
2. Digital Botox (Via Huffington Post)
Price: $43.49
Lets frustrate young girl's physical insecurities ten-fold!
1. Animated Animal Hitch Critters
Price: $24.99
WTF. I don't even know what to say about this.
It seems fitting the number one useless item combines automobiles, exaggerated cartoon animals, and needless ornamentation. I'm thinking how much more useless could this be and the answer is: none more useless.
