5. Statistics
83.7% of pre-game, mid-game, and post-game discussion revolves around statistical probabilities, or more importantly, improbabilities. For it is the latter that determines the gamblers payout. Frankly, I don't want to be told who will win a game and by how much before it happens - why bother play?
4. Drug Enhancements
When I think of drug enhancements I think of the robotic Soviet colossus Ivan Drago who is defeated by the strength and resolve of the all-natural American hero Rocky Balboa.
In the real America, sports heroes are doped up like dying dismembered infantry left in the battlefield. The 2007 Mitchell report sprung a leak in the dam, spilling the names of numerous MLB players who had taken performance enhancing drugs - now including Andy Pettitte, Roger Clemens, Eric Gagne, Mark McGuire, and Barry Bonds. Similarly, in 2009 a
confidential poll found 1 in 10 retired NFL players admitted to using steroids. Juiced athletes make great record-smashing sports entertainment until we find out they are just pharmaceutical pawns.
3. Non-Sport-Related Drama
I don't give a flying fuck about Tiger Wood's or any other sports scandal. Since when did an athlete's sex-life have so much to do with the number of touchdowns, goals, assists, knockouts or birdies they are capable of making?
2. Individualism
Who will single-handedly win today's game? Kevin Garnett or Kobe Bryant? Nevermind the 8 other players on the court.
All the pre-game filler to sell jersey's, bobbleheads, and video games makes it seem like there is no one else in the game and no reason to watch when the star player isn't on the field, ice, court, etc. Pro football has long hailed the quarterback as the central playmaker even though his offensive line decides whether or not he gets his legs crippled beneath him. Since Michael Jordan successfully translated individualism into basketball there is an entirely new generation of athletes that want to do everything by themselves.
1. Salaries
If you are making $30 million a year for the next 7 years what incentive is there to win the trophy? You can buy 5 exact replicas of that trophy made with solid gold, studded with diamonds and filled with cocaine.
Some of these figures are so ridiculous, so outrageous, for doing such mundane activities as swinging a bat:
Kimi Räikkönen (Ferrari)
- $153,000,000 (2007-2009)
Michael Vick (Atlanta Falcons)
- $130,000,000 (2005-2014) ---- Terminated in 2006, idiot
Alex Ovechkin (Washington Capitals)
- $124,000,000 (2008-2021)
Kobe Bryant (LA Lakers)
- $136,400,000 (2004-2011)
Alex Rodriguez (NY Yankees)
- $275,000,000 (2008-2017) ---- Largest in history
